Deadpool & Wolverine (Shawn Levy, 2024)

Dead on arrival

One thing I loathe almost as much as summer heat is summer movies. "So don't go," I'm told, but at the moment it's 97 F in the shade and the easiest way to beat soaring temperatures is to duck into a movie theater, so...Deadpool & Wolverine. At least the poster looks colorful. 

It's funny for maybe the first twenty minutes. R rated superheroes spouting R rated language (Hugh Jackman as Logan has a way of dropping the F bomb that sparks the surrounding air) and doing R rated things to each other-- an immoderate focus on crotches, either crushing them or skewering them or using blades and pointed metals to do fairly unpleasant things to them, with the consequent geyser of sliced pepperoni and tomato sauce. But it gets tired fast, and about the time you're ready to lean back and relax to a good story decently told, Deadpool has fled the Time Variance Authority (I swear for a moment there I thought they were talking about Trans World Airlines) because-- I don't know? Details a bit foggy. Apparently the dull stuff about a birthday party and pictures was important, only I was so looking forward to sophomore jokes and ultraviolence I didn't pay attention (Wade's cane-tapping roommate is funny tho).

Then Wade hops various universes seeking a substitute Logan (apparently the guy is important) and ends up recruiting the worst one because-- don't know the answer to this either. All Logans apparently keep their cards close to their chests; in a scene where he explains everything to the villain (and to us) I'm not much more enlightened, or probably wasn't paying attention (the scene was played straight and I must have been zoning out from the lack of humor). So I'm foggy about the details involving that character too. 

Which leaves us with the interplay between both fuzzily motivated characters, which was decent: Hugh Jackman makes for a nice straight man to Ryan Reynolds' comic capering, only-- is that really Reynolds? I hear his voice; I think I recognize the outlines of his head (sometimes he tilts it to one side in a way I suspect is supposed to be distinctive). Maybe one major issue I have with most superheroes is that their faces are covered from chin to brow, which works on a comic book page-- he's a two-dimensional figure, and whatever emotion he's meant to express is implied by dialogue and artwork. But when an actor plays him on the big screen, particularly a highly-paid one, you want your money's worth-- Sam Raimi had the same problem in his Spider-man movies, is why he kept ripping the mask off Tobey Maguire's face. At least Raimi's aware there is a problem, and he comes up with all kinds of inventive solutions. 

Thank goodness Jackman's face isn't covered... but then you have the brutal fights that, to his credit, director Shawn Levy (best known for Night at the Museum and the Pink Panther remake) shoots mostly with a spiraling camera rather than assemble from a series of shaky-cam shots-- this way the choreography is halfway legible and even acquires a bit of lyrical kineticism. Or would if half the stuff didn't look mostly digitally enhanced (missing the days of Jacky Chan and Jet Li; when they threw a punch or fired a high kick they weren't kidding). 

Then the finale, complete with Logan finally putting on that bat-eared Wolverine mask-- which frankly looks silly (Bryan Singer was right when he dressed his X-men in black leather; what's bright and colorful on the comic book page becomes impossibly cheesy on the big screen). Then a heroic end worthy of Beowulf -- only Logan's done this before, under the guidance of James Mangold (who I thought did a half-decent job), and anything else is basically a redundancy. 

O there are pleasures-- perhaps the most inventive being the obligatory bonding scene where Wade and Logan express their mutual hate for each other inside a Honda Odyssey, to which I have two comments: 1) the use of seatbelts was especially inventive, and 2) Honda Odysseys are impressively durable; this one's engine still managed to turn over even after the blood has dried and dust has settled. 

And then there's Dogpool, arguably themost adorable little mutt this side of Jerome Boivin's Baxter, a fraction of the size of either lead stars with twice their charisma. When are we getting a spinoff based on this little darling?